It's hard to imagine exactly how you're going to feel when you get the call from your significant other when they call to say they think they are going into labor. Especially being a guy. I'll be completely honest, I have never grown to feel the love of a child before they were born. It was always hard for me to feel that emotion when there is nothing tangible there. Don't get me wrong, I obviously love the idea of the unborn child and I absolutely adore the child that
will be coming, but I have never grown attached to the unborn child. I have now gone through 3 pregnancies, 3 labors, and 3 births. Each and every one was just as different as the child that has come as a result. I still remember the exact details of when Sarah called me to tell me she was pregnant with each of the 3 kids. I recall getting the call of her telling me either her water broke or she thought she was going into labor. And I vividly reproduce the births of each of my daughters. I'm not claiming to be a birthing expert or a pregnancy pro, but I feel I can at least say, "been there, done that."
During each of Sarah's past 3 pregnancies, she has always asked me, "do you love our baby?" Referring to her enormous baby bump. I would be upfront with her and simply say, "honestly....no." I totally understand the love of a mother and her unborn child. I could never imagine going through a pregnancy, let along labor and giving birth. I give every single mother out there so much credit and will never second guess a women when she talks about her labor or the pains and discomforts of being pregnant. Women are amazing creatures. But, for a father to say they love there unborn child, I feel, is a lie. Sure, we love the idea of whats yet to come, but I have always found it difficult to have a true love for each of our daughters while they resided inside Sarah.
I have found, though, that all goes right out the window the second you see your new child. You are overcome with joy, you smile from ear to ear, and your heart overflows with love. It's the coolest feeling in the world. One second your a husband, the next second your a father. For me, this time around, I went from a father of two, to a father of 3. I have been fully honest and forthcoming with my feelings and reservations about having a third child. Sarah, I, and our daughters were happy, we were content. Our lives were great, simple, and we had a routine. Our lives worked. We had things figured out. Our family was complete....or so I thought. Then the entire "I want to do an Ironman" thing happened, which brought on the whole "if you do an Ironman, you're giving me a third kid" thing. I was happy with a family of 4. Three kids scared me. But I really wanted to do that damn Ironman. I agreed to the deal and then right in the heart of my IM training, we learned that Sarah was pregnant...again.
Over the next 9 months, I would have mental debates with myself figuring out if having a third kid would be as easy/great as Sarah made it out to be or if it would be an absolute hell. I kept telling myself that I was crazy for agreeing to have a third kid and that the Ironman wasn't worth the life of miserableness. As the due date approached the reality of having our third kid became more unavoidable. We bought a new car to handle the bigger family, we moved Delaney into Maya's bedroom with new bunk beds, we put together a ton of new baby furniture, and we bought all the new baby "stuff" to be prepared for when the new baby arrived.
This past Thursday, Harper Jean Kohl came into our lives, and every single feeling of doubt, fright, nervousness, anxiousness, and regret was immediately replaced with the feeling of love and joy. It's an amazing transformation for the father. We go from the idea of loving an unborn child to truly loving a new life that we are fulling responsible for helping bring into this world. I believe that a women starts loving their new child as soon as they conceive, but the father doesn't truly love the child until the baby arrives. It's a blessing that a mother gets the special bond and connection with the child before it's actually born, but a father isn't lucky enough to share that bond before hand. I'm not complaining, but the process that a father goes through during birth is just as amazing as the birth process itself. The emotions and the change that occurs when the father's child arrives is something I hope every man gets to experience at least once in their life. It's an amazing feeling and there is absolutely no way I can truly explain it.
The Birth Story
Both Maya and Delaney were born at 38 weeks to the date, exactly 2 weeks prior to their scheduled due dates. Harper's due date was March 26th, which had me convinced that she would be born on March 12th. March 12th came and went with no signs of coming. Harper would officially be the longest baby Sarah would carry. I had SWAT training from 8-4pm on Thursday and Sarah also worked a full day of work. At 4:00pm I was walking out of the Sheriff's Office after training was done, and I received a text message from Sarah, saying that she felt like she had been having contractions all day and that she was calling our family doctor for a suggestion on how to proceed. Our doctor requested her to go to the hospital and get evaluated. Sarah was just getting out of work, so she drove directly to the hospital from her job in Green Bay and I did the same from my work in Oshkosh. We both arrived at Appleton Medical Center around the same time and went directly to the Birth Center. The hooked Sarah up to a couple of monitors that record her contractions and the baby's heart rate. It was about 5:00/5:30 and her contractions where about 2-6 minutes apart and she was about 4cm dilated. The nurse said that she would recheck her in about an hour to an hour and a half and then call our doctor with the updates. If Sarah would make any progress they would keep us there until the baby arrives and if not, they would send us home. Sarah and I then walked the halls of the hospital for about an hour to help her cope with the pains of the contractions. At 7:00pm, the nurse came back to recheck her. At this time her cervix had softened up a little bit and they decided that they would admit her and have her stay until the baby comes. We were told that our family doctor (who is also Sarah's OB) would be at the hospital around 7:45 and would come and attempt to break Sarah's water to help the birth process along. We had the feeling that the baby would be born in the early morning hours of the 14th (1am-4am). Knowing this, Sarah sent me home to get her bags and stuff we had all packed up for the actual day that Harper was born. I left the hospital around 7:15am and went home to change out of my work clothes, feed the dog, and grab some stuff for the next couple days for Sarah.
While I was at home, I received a call from Sarah around 7:40, saying that her water had just broke, so I should hurry up and make my way back to the hospital. I was just packing up the car with the stuff so I was just about to leave anyway. I left our house around 7:45. While I was on my way back to the hospital, my phone rang again, this time it was a number I didn't recognize. It was our nurse. She sounded frantic and a little panicked. She asked me where I was. I said I was on my way and be there ASAP, about 5 minutes. She said, "well, Sarah's delivering, so hurry!" I hung up and said, "Are you F@#*ING kidding me?!?" out loud with a large grin on my face. I got there as quick as I could. Sarah's parents also just got to the hospital just before I did and Sarah's dad and brother parked my vehicle which allowed me to just pull right up front. They also brought all the stuff upstairs for me. I ran up to the room as quick as I could. It was 8:08 when I walked into the room and Harper had already made her appearance. I looked at Sarah, laughed, and said, "are you serious?" We just looked at each other and chuckled. We didn't say anything else, we just both laughed at the fact that I had just missed the entire birth of our daughter.
Neither of us were upset though. Sarah was seriously born to give birth. She is an amazing woman. She is notorious for incredibly fast and easy births. Granted, easy is all relative. I still can only imagine the pain of birth, but I digress. Sarah's water broke at 7:38pm and Harper was officially born at 8:01pm, just 23 minutes later. Amazing. Literally everybody missed it- our families, Sarah's sister, our doctor, and yup, even daddy. Harper was delivered by 3 nurses. They didn't even have time to set up the room for birth.
Harper has been adjusting great to her new life and her family. She weighed 7lbs 7oz, was 20" long, and had a 34cm head. She has been struggling to eat which isn't as bad as it initially may sound. Her nurse thinks that since the birth was so quick, she didn't have the opportunity to squeeze out all of the amniotic fluids which normally happens with "normal" births. So they think that her stomach still has some residual fluids in it which typically leaves a baby feeling "hung over." This feeling is what is keeping her from eating regularly, but should subside after that fluid is excreted through general digestion or by vomiting. Either way, she has only lost 7oz in 36 hours, which is actually the least amount of weight any of our kids have lost in that same time frame. So, there is little cause for worry at this time, it's just something we are monitoring. Other wise, mommy and baby are doing well and looking forward to starting our new life as a family of 5!
Delaney Singing to Harper
