A New Chapter in My Life

I'm assuming by know, most people know this but.....I have taken a new job with the City of Kaukauna Police Department.  It's difficult for me to explain why this is rather hard for not only me, but my family as well.  6 or more years ago, I've never dreamed I would be where I am today.  Never did I imagine being a cop.  But, here I am, 31, 3 beautiful girls, gorgeous wife of nearly 8 years, and a successful career with the Winnebago County Sheriff's Office.  Over the past 4 and a half years, I have developed some very close relationships and have learned a lot about the job and lifestyle of being a cop.  Friendships that are completely different from other friendships I have developed over the years.  There's a kind of trust you build in this profession.  The kind of trust that doesn't come from just a few days of working together, but a trust that takes years to build.  The kind of trust where you just know that person will do the right thing when you are unable to.  Now, obviously, I will eventually make new friends, new relationships, but nothing will replace the friends I have made over the years at Winnebago.  A lot of the guys I have developed friendships with have been there for me since I started.  They taught me how to be a cop.  How to succeed in the line of work; not only on the job, but in my personal life.  To me, something you just can't forget.

Me leaving Winnebago has nothing to do with anything at the department, which makes this transition difficult.  It has everything to do with my personal life and family life.  I am giving up a lot by leaving Winnebago County.  But, like I said I want to work for my hometown and have always wanted to.  To me, there is a large sense of pride in this line of work.  The way I see it, my job is to protect, help, and simply be there for the community I serve.  I know that sounds extremely cliche, but its true.  I now get to work for the city I live in, the same city my kids live in.  I get to make a difference in my community, I get to make my city a better place to live.  I get to serve my hometown.

I can't tell you how many times I have asked myself (and Sarah), if I made the right decision.  Truth is, life doesn't hand you an answer book.  So, you just need to keep your priorities in mind and always remember what's important to you when making huge decisions.  Life is ever changing.  Who knows what life will throw my way this year, 10 years from now, 50 years from now.  You need to take life as it comes.  I am confident I made the right decision by changing departments.  My family is the most important thing to me in my life and I would do anything for them.  So I know this is the right move, no matter how difficult it may be.  Sure, I can tell you right now, I am making a lot of sacrifices by leaving Winnebago County.  I am giving up being a member of one of the best SWAT Teams in the state (IMO), a lot of opportunity for advancement, training opportunities, and probably working day shift anytime soon.  But, I am gaining a lot for my family.  I will be working a more family friendly schedule and now everything will be closer to home cutting down on time away from home.  Even though I may not be awarded as many opportunities with the City of Kaukauna, I know that eventually I will be given opportunities to advance my career.  But, instead of relying on my years of service with Winnebago, I will just be starting from the bottom again - and that will be tough.

It's going to be a challenge, not only for me, but for my family.  The uncertainty of my schedule, the inability to take days off, and going through another training process (even though I am responsible for training many of the new hires at Winnebago County).  I'll easily get over the differences between departments, because in the end the job is the same.  The most difficult challenge will be losing many of the friendships I have built over the years.  I love many of these guys like brothers and consider.  But, those friendships were built on more than just working together and I don't intend on losing them.

So, to the few guys who have been there for me over the years and helped make me the officer I have become, thank you, sincerely, thank you.  I'll miss working and training with you guys.  Stay safe brothers!

Honoring Our Heroes in Blue

I was hoping to post a new Totally Random Thoughts (TRT) a few days ago and I was going to lead off with the tragic events that went down in Fond du Lac, WI last week.  However, the more I thought about it, I felt as though it would be disrespectful to simply consider the loss of a fellow officer a "Totally Random Thought."  So, I wanted to do a short blog of my thoughts and feelings in the wake of the death of Trooper Trevor Casper. 

If you wish to read about the event that took place last Tuesday you can read about it here: Officer Shot in Fond du Lac Standoff

On Sunday, I attended the funeral service for State Trooper Trevor Casper.  Trooper Trevor Casper was literally a brand new Trooper for the Wisconsin State Patrol.  Casper was a recent graduate of the Wisconsin State Patrol Academy and Tuesday was literally his first day on his own, coming off of Field Training.  It's like a story straight out of Hollywood, a brand new officer, on his first day of working on his own, is thrown directly into every cops worst nightmare.  In the end he paid the ultimate sacrifice for the safety of the public.  He was ultimately slain, but in the process of giving his life, he stopped the mindless killing of others by taking out the suspect in a true gunfight.  It's terrible and leaves a terrible feeling in my stomach.  My heart goes out to his family, friends, and fellow officers.  Casper was 21 years old and is the youngest ever officers killed in the line of duty in the State of Wisconsin. 

Trooper Casper's funeral was amazing, as are most other law enforcement funerals.  There is something special about law enforcement funerals.  The outpouring of support is breath of fresh air.  At Casper's funeral, literally thousands of officers, from 30 different states attended, along with thousands of non law enforcement community members to show their support for the family, friends, and the law enforcement community.  Being in the company of so many others in the same profession to show support for a fallen officer brings upon a feeling that is difficult to explain.  It makes me even more proud to be apart of a special group of people.  The dangers that law enforcement officers face day in and day out often go overlooked.  The same goes for your neighborhood firefighters, and medical personnel.  But during times like this, communities become one and show appreciation for the heroic acts of a single person.  It is truly a feeling that cannot be put into words and simply needs to be experienced. 

With all that being said, a law enforcement funeral is still an extremely emotional and difficult event to attend.  Personally, I hate them, but appreciate them for what they are, a celebration of a true HERO.  I wish they never had to happen.  It's a shame they exist.  I struggle emotionally the entire time.  For me, they are a realization of what this job is.  99% of the time, being a law enforcement officer is a great and safe job.  But the reality is there is always that 1% of the time.  There is always that 1% of the population.  They are always out there.  I guess that is why this funerals are so difficult, it brings out the sick, cold truth about our job.  It becomes exponentially more difficult for me, because of 3 beautiful girls who sleep so peacefully at night while I am at work, who simply just expect me to come home every morning.  While at these funerals by far the most difficult moments is meeting the family of the officer who gave their life.  I can't help but picture my wife and daughters standing there in line with numerous unanswered questions - the biggest one being, "why."  It just leaves me sick, sad, angry, and scared, scared for my family.  It is comforting knowing the support they would receive as a result from not only the community, but from the state, and the entire nation. 

After leaving the funeral you're left with a feeling of vulnerability.  A cold reminder of the dangers of the job, but at the same time, it's a reminder of why I do this job.  I do this job to make the community and the area I serve a better place.  I know that what I do makes the community a better place.  I work hard and I take pride in my work.  I know that what I do is right.  I know that I can carry the shield and continue to serve with the pride and courage that so many did before me.  I will never forgot those who lost their lives while serving with the same pride and courage.  So may the spirit of all those who lost their lives in the line of duty live on, including Officer Birkholz and Trooper Casper.

Please consider "liking" the Remembering Wisconsin State Trooper Trevor Casper page by clicking this link.

Or go to his website to read his obituary or make a monetary donation to his family here.

Being a Cop

If you are a regular follower of my blog, you may already know this.  But, if you are new, or just a casual reader, I am a full time Patrol Officer.  If you would have told me 4 or 5 years ago that I would be employed full time as a cop, I would have told you that you were full of crap.  I never even considered going into law enforcement when I was researching careers and colleges.  Honestly, as soon as I learned that there was such a thing as an "Exercise and Sports Science" degree, I stopped searching and just knew that was what I wanted to pursue.  As I was attending UW - La Crosse, I think I considered about a half dozen (if not more) different careers either at UWL or another university or tech school.  I debated becoming an electrician apprentice, electrical engineer, fire fighter, physical therapist, and various other engineer and electrical type fields.  I even officially changed my major from fitness, to physical education, and then finally to sports management which I ultimately graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in.  It's not that I was ever not interested in health and fitness, but more that I was just never 100% sold that it was what I wanted to do for a career.  After graduation, I was hired as the Health and Fitness Coordinator for the Neenah-Menasha YMCA.  I was thrilled to actually find a full time job in the health and fitness field so close to home.  After about a year or so of working there, I had a feeling that I could do more, that I was unfulfilled, if you will.  I once again, started looking else where for possible employment, both in the health and fitness field and in anything else I felt was qualified for.  Then, in 2009, Sarah was told that her hours were going to be cut in half.  She would be going from 80 hours on a pay check to 40.  Ouch, that one hurt.  We had just started a family and Maya wasn't even a year old.  We tried cutting expenses anyway we could.  We gave up cable, put loans on hold, and tried finding short cuts financially anywhere we could.  That was when Sarah and I decided that I should consider looking for a new job, to help our family financially.

Sarah found a job opening at Fox Valley Metro Police Department and their major requirement was just 60 college credits.  I applied on a whim, thinking what's the worst that could happen.  I then applied for the City of Appleton Police Department a week or two later.  If you have never gone through a hiring process for a police department, let me enlighten you.  They are long....very long, and often times include 6 or more steps along the way, and they eliminate candidates along the way after each and every step.  Some of the typical steps include a written test, physical agility tests, a panel interview, an interview with the Chief, an interview with the community's Police and Fire Commission, a psychology evaluation, and sometimes even a polygraph test.  Often times a single hiring process can take up to 6 months or more.  So, as you can see, saying they're stressful is an understatement.  While I was in the middle of both processes, I chose to participate in each agency's "Ride-Along" program to see exactly what I was considering getting myself into.  Turns out, I fell in love with the idea of becoming a cop.  I would get to help people, protect others, serve my community, be outside, and interact with people each and every day.  I did a total of 3 ride-alongs, 2 with Appleton PD, and one with FV Metro PD.  After each and every ride-along, I was convinced I would be happy working as a law enforcement officer.  As each of the processes went on, I made it to the final step for Metro, the Police and Fire Commission Interview.  I was in the final four, but ultimately was not selected.  For Appleton, I made it through the first 3 stages and again ultimately was not selected.  I met with the Chief of Fox Valley Metro to discuss why I was not selected and what I could have done differently.  Turns out, what held me back in both processes was that I was not already certified - I was not certified by the State of Wisconsin as a Law Enforcement Officer.  Basically, I did not have a degree in criminal justice and I had not attended a Police Academy.  It was at this point where Sarah and I had many long conversations discussing my future.

Sarah and I agreed that I would take a leap of faith and put myself through the Academy at a local Technical College.  Just as the general hiring processes for individual agencies is competitive, so too is the application process for the Law Enforcement Academy.  The local college hosts 4 individual Academy classes a year, each with about 25-30 students.  About 20 or so of those spots are already spoken for by area agencies wishing to send new hires or current employees through, leaving just 5-10 spots for the general public, which is why they have a separate application process.  Luckily I was selected on my first attempt at going through the Academy and just like that I was "all in."  I quit as the Health and Fitness Coordinator at the YMCA and I cashed out my entire retirement account, which wasn't a lot of money, but literally just enough to pay for the Academy.  There was no turning back.

It was a huge risk, who knew if I would find a job, let alone a job close to our house that we had just purchased a couple years prior to quitting my job....all with a 8 month old.  I applied to any and every job opening within a 60 mile radius of our home.  I was involved in about 3-5 or more hiring processes at any one given time.  I was hired as a part-time officer for the City of Omro Police Department while I was still attending the Academy, but continued to seek full time employment.  I continued to study and attend classes every day from 8-4pm and during that period I learned all about the constitution, criminal law, report writing, driving emergency vehicles, and was even pepper sprayed and tasered.  In August I graduated from the Academy, and began the training process with the Omro Police Department.  A short while later I was hired full time with the Winnebago County Sheriff's Office and officially started on November 1st, 2010.

Since becoming a patrol officer, I have experienced a lot.  I have seen things you don't want to hear about.  I have been on scene of incidents that look like something out of a horror movie.  I have been involved in some extremely stressful situations, all of which I am expected to remain cool, calm, and make careful, thought out decision.  Since becoming a cop, I have always thought that this job is the easiest, yet most difficult job out there.  The sad thing is, not too many people really realize what it takes to be a patrol officer.  I hear people say how stressful their day at work was, because, maybe they had to go through literally hundreds of emails, or got yelled at by an upset customer.  I often laugh to myself when I hear this.  Imagine going to work, and your first contact with a person is during a traffic stop.  You stop a vehicle for speeding, lets say 84mph in a 65 mph zone.  You issue them a citation and they complain to you and then call your supervisor and make up a story that you where verbally abusive, even though you remained calm and polite even while they ridiculed you and argued with you while you issued them their citation.  Your second contact is with a family who literally just lost a loved one unexpectedly.  Now, you have to investigate the death, all while consoling a family who is experiencing a tragic loss.  After you complete your assignment with the death investigation, you have a break, so you quickly type up or call in your report from the last incident.  As soon as you finish your report, you have a break and log out on a meal break to eat a lunch you packed.  But, shortly after you take your first bite of your sandwich a call comes in of a disturbance with a weapon and the suspect leaves the house with a gun threatening that if any cop attempts to stop him he will shoot them.  You throw your partially eaten sandwich back in your lunch pail and take off with your siren blaring and red and blue lights flashing.  Your weaving in and out of traffic driving with the utmost attention looking out for anyone who may not hear your siren or see your lights.  Your nervous, running various situations through your mind of what you're going to do if you find the car.  You briefly think about your family and then immediately go back to focusing on the situation at hand.  After about 5 minutes of high stress driving, you find a car matching the description.  You and another officer attempt to stop the vehicle.  Suddenly, you are giving commands to the driver of the vehicle all while you have your duty weapon pointed down range at the subject.  You and your partner safely take the subject into custody without incident and no one got hurt.  You put the subject in the back seat of your squad and bring them back to your department for an interview and the entire 15 minute drive, they yell at you, telling you how terrible of a person you are, calling you names you never dreamed of being called, saying things about your family, your kids, and there is nothing you can do about it.  After all, your a police officer, you should expect that, right?  You need to be respectful and caring, no matter what, right?  I mean, that is your job.  Turns out that you end up being forced to stay at work 3 hours after your normal quitting time and you miss your kids soccer game and by the time you get home your kids are in bed.  So you shower and go to bed yourself, just to get up early and do it all over again tomorrow.

Granted, that scenario may not truly be an everyday occurrence, but by no stretch of the imagination is that out of the ordinary.  Hell, it could even have been worse.  This kind of stuff happens literally every single day, in every single state, and in just about every single community.  Rarely do you hear of this stuff.  Why?  Honestly, because 99% of the time this stuff ends peacefully, without incident.  But sometimes it doesn't.  That's just the way it is.  Sometimes the subject is hurt, injured, and sometimes even killed.  Sometimes the police officer is hurt, injured, and sometimes killed.  It's part of the job, it's what we all signed up for.  Unfortunately, when these incidents don't go as planned, the media reports them.  That's when suddenly people are experts and know exactly what should have been done.  It's done everywhere, everyday.  The media and general public are suddenly arm chair quarterbacks.  They say things like, "If that where me, I would have _____."  Or, "The officers should have just ___________."  Or even, "There was no reason for that to happen like that, they could have __________."

Being a police officer is a thankless job.  I'm not complaining, I love what I do.  I know each and every day that I did what was right at the time in the situation that I was in.  It's not hard to see why most veteran cops are jaded.  They have been scrutinized, ridiculed, challenged nearly every day for 20 or 30 years, sometimes even more.  I'm not here saying that every single police officer is perfect, we aren't, hell, I'm not.  And don't even for a second try to tell me that you have never made a mistake while at work.  I also realize that there are some police officers out there that are rude, mean, and have poor priorities.  I know those cops exist, I've met them, I've seen them at trainings, I've been on calls with them.  I'm not saying every cop is the nicest person out there.  Fact is, there are jerks out there everywhere, I'm sure you have people at your work that are not nice people.

Personally, when I'm working, I make it a goal to try and change peoples' perception of cops.  Will I change everyone's view of us, absolutely not.  But, if I can make one person think, "hey, that was one of the nicest cops I've met," then I've met my goal.  No, this is not always easy, especially on days/nights when I'm tired from working one of the most stressful schedules known to man, stressed about issues from home, or on days/nights where it's been crazy busy and your hungry and can't even find time for a snack.  But, I do my best.  No, I am not out there looking to "get" anyone.  I do not "enjoy" bringing people to jail.  I do not "enjoy" issuing people hundred dollar citations.  I do, however, know that everyone makes decisions and for ever single decision a person makes, there are consequences to those decisions.  It is my job to enforce rules, to impose consequences to peoples actions.  I take my time, I do thorough investigations, I want to make sure the decision I make is the right decision, because I realize that each and every decision I make directly effects another person, sometimes very significantly.  Regardless of the situation I am making contact with a person, I treat them with respect, with dignity, and treat them like a person.  I do not talk down to them, I do not belittle them, I explain to them what I am doing and why I am doing it.  I owe it to the community that I work for.  So often people do not realize what being a cop is like - nor should they.  Some people have seen Law & Order, NYPD Blue, or say they watch the show Cops, so they know what it's like being a cop.  Truth is, there is so much more to it then what is depicted on TV.  We work odd schedules, we work a lot of weekends, holidays, nights, and work no matter what.  I am required to be at work regardless of the weather, no matter what event is going on, and most times, when the weather is at it's worse, or there is a tragic event, that is when I am expected to be working.  On top of working odd hours and at times when most folks are not, I am expected to be in court regardless of my work schedule, attend trainings regardless of my regular patrol schedule, and I am expected to be on the top of my game at all times.

So the next you have police contact, no matter the situation, say "thank you."  We are doing our best, I can guarantee it.  A simple thank you goes a long way - more then you can imagine.  All to often we are looked at as "bad."  How often do you hear (especially from parents), "if you don't behave, I'll have the police bring you jail."  Or something similar.  All this does is instill a perception that cops are bad, they take people away.  We are here to help.  We are here to protect.  We are here to serve you, the community.  Almost 100% of the time we are viewed as the bad guy until we are needed, then we are your everything, just to be forgotten immediately following the situation.  So, next time you see a cop on the side of the highway with their lights on, move over, slow down.  And the next time you see an officer walking their patrol area, or at a special event, say thank you, sure, they are there as their job, but they are also there for you, willing to do whatever it takes, even if that means sacrificing their own life so you can go home safely with your kids and family.

I'll wrap up this post with an excerpt from Lt. Col. Dave Grossman who is an internationally recognized scholar, author, soldier, and speaker who is one of the world's foremost experts in the field of human aggression and the roots of violence and violent crime. Col. Grossman is a West Point psychology professor, Professor of Military Science, and an Army Ranger.  About a year or two ago, I had the opportunity to listen to Lt. Col. Dave Grossman speak. During his presentation, which is geared toward soldiers and law enforcement personnel in the topic of the possibility of using deadly force. During his presentation he compared the role of a police officer to that of a sheepdog. Below is an excerpt from one of his books, On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs:

One Vietnam veteran, an old retired colonel, once said this to me: “Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident.” This is true. Remember, the murder rate is six per 100,000 per year, and the aggravated assault rate is four per 1,000 per year. What this means is that the vast majority of Americans are not inclined to hurt one another. 

Some estimates say that two million Americans are victims of violent crimes every year, a tragic, staggering number, perhaps an all-time record rate of violent crime. But there are almost 300 million Americans, which means that the odds of being a victim of violent crime is considerably less than one in a hundred on any given year. Furthermore, since many violent crimes are committed by repeat offenders, the actual number of violent citizens is considerably less than two million. 

Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation: We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep. 

I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin’s egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators. 

“Then there are the wolves,” the old war veteran said, “and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy.” Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial. 

“Then there are sheepdogs,” he went on, “and I’m a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf.” Or, as a sign in one California law enforcement agency put it, “We intimidate those who intimidate others.” 

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath--a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero’s path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.