Taking a Step Back

When I first starting blogging over a year ago, I did so to share my life.  I wanted to give others a view into my life.  I am a dedicated endurance athlete, who works a demanding 3rd shift job as a patrol officer, all while trying to raise 2 daughters, with a 3rd on the way!  I want to be completely honest with my posts.  I want people to know what I go through, how I do what I do.  How I balance work, family, kids, training, and my personal life.  I want to inspire others to chose a healthier lifestyle through some for of exercise and/or healthy eating.  With each of my posts I keep those goals in mind.  Now, I am sure most of you have read or at least heard about my "Operation Kona" post from a couple weeks ago.  It resulted in a wide range of thoughts and emotions from a variety of people.  Some people thought I was crazy, some thought it was motivating, while others thought quite the opposite.  In the middle of it all was me, the author.

I was 100% honest with my post, my feelings, and dreams.  I laid it out there for everyone to read.  Yes, it was extremely ambitious, but that's me - I get an idea in my head and I set out to achieve it.  As I said in the post, it may not be 100% realistic or obtainable, but it was my goal, it was my dream.  At the time of posting it, I was riding the heightened emotions from finishing my first Ironman.  Truth is, I never thought about what the cost and effect would be of setting out to actually qualify for Kona. I was putting myself and my dreams before what is truly important in life.  I was not being honest with myself, my wife, or my kids.  The truth is, I live in Wisconsin and work a very demanding 3rd shift job as a patrol officer, am a member of our County SWAT Team, which is an additional commitment outside of my regular work as a patrol officer.  I also decided 5 years ago, that I wanted to start a family, I wanted kids.  We have since added a 2nd and now have a 3rd on the way, which is due in mid-to-late March.  I am not like most Ironman Triathletes.  Truth is, many Ironman Triathletes are either single adults, retired parents, or successful business men and women who have both time and money to devote to the sport.  I am not at all pigeon-holing or being stereotypical, but it is the truth.  Yes, every year, many people who are far more busier than I and have more kids, with more commitments than I have.  But majority of those individual are one-time Ironman-ers.  They do it as a bucket-list item, a one-and-done Ironman.  There is nothing wrong with that at all.

I was heading down a road I really didn't want to go down.  My "Operation Kona Plan" would have had me loosing out on precious time with my kids.  I would not have been a part of their lives like I want to be.  I was completely ignorant to my family and the one's I love and their feelings and their wants and needs.  Truth is I was completely consumed in the world of Ironman Triathlon.  My priorities were completely out of whack.  It's sad that it took an ambitious post to realize it, but I'm glad I did.  This past year, I forced my wife, Sarah, and my two daughters, Maya and Delaney to make large, significant sacrifices.  I depleted our savings accounts to pay for races, gear, supplements, and nutrition for training and racing.  I was away for most of my free time training.  I missed family camping trips, 3 of them to be exact.  During out full week of vacation together, I spent 22+ hours during the week training.  I made Sarah live the life of a single parent, caring for 2 young and demanding children.  It was not easy for her at all.  When I made the declaration that I would spend the next 5 years of my life "devoted to qualifying for the Ironman World Championships," all Sarah could think is that the next 5 years of her life would be away from her husband with no help raising 3 kids.  And honestly, that's probably the truth. 

With all that being said, I am not giving up on my dream of making it to the Big Island of Hawaii for the Ironman World Championships.  I am simply putting it on the back burner for now to devote my time to something a little more meaningful - my family.  I am going to go back to racing half marathons, marathons, shorter triathlons (Sprint and Olympic distance), and a Half Ironman every now and again.  I still want to run a sub 3 hour marathon, become a stronger biker and continue coach and lead by example for those wanting to live a healthier more active lifestyle.  Someday, down the road, when my kids are older and more independent I may revisit my goal of securing a Kona Slot.  But for now, I am going to go back to racing shorter, less demanding races which do not require the extreme commitment and sacrifices that Ironman Triathlons do.  I will try to remain as competitive within my age group, especially now that I will be moving up to the 30-34 AG.  I also plan on remaining as dedicated and committed to being the best I can be, but at the same time keeping my life priorities in check and spending quality time with what is important in life...my family.  After all, I would much rather never race another triathlon or marathon again and have my wife and kids by my side, then cross the finish line at the Ironman World Championships and have no one there at the end to celebrate that moment with me.

Thanks to everyone who believed in me accomplishing my #1 goal, your love and support did not go unnoticed.  But at the same time, an even bigger thank you goes out to those who took the time to bring me back down to reality and remind me of what was truly important in life - you all know who you are!