But here we are, 5 years later, and honestly, I can't even imagine my life without my daughters. I look back over the past years and sure it may only be five years, but my life has completely changed. I am no where near where I thought I would be. So much has changed. I am now 30, after marrying my High School Sweetheart, we have 3 daughters, a dog, 2 cats, and 2 guinea pigs....all in a 3 bedroom, 1,200 sq ft house. Sarah has been at job in Green Bay for 8 years, while I have had 2 completely opposite careers, a Fitness Director and now a Police Officer (yea, never saw that one). None-the-less, the decisions we have made over the years, have grown and shaped myself and my family directly to where we are today. A common interview question I have faced over the years is, "What is your biggest regret in life?" I have answered this question the same every time. I often feel as though the interviewer thinks I am avoiding the question, or taking the easy way around the question, but I respond the same way every single time - "I honestly have no regrets. Each and every decision I have made throughout my life has shaped my life to be exactly what it is today, and honestly, I would have it no other way. Instead of sitting and regretting on decisions I choose to learn from them and accept them." Now, as I sit here, a father of 3, a husband, I am sharing some of the lessons I have learned over the past 5 years of parenthood. Because simply put, I love my wife - I love my daughters - I love my life.1. Be Prepared to Make Sacrifices
This shouldn't be a real big surprise, but truthfully, you need to be prepared to make sacrifices. Your life is no longer that important. Your child's life is now the priority. Your job is to be there for them. It's a balancing act. Have I given up on the life I had prior to having kids, absolutely not. But, I most certainly don't have the bike I wish I did, nor do I do all the races I want to. I have made the necessary sacrifices to make my kids life as enjoyable as I can while retaining some sense of sanity.
2. Never Judge Another Parent
Before I was a parent, I remember being out to dinner or out shopping and then I would be distracted by a crying, screaming child. I would immediately think to myself, "good lord, why can't he/she control their kid." Or, "Why don't they <insert your better idea here.>" After having our first daughter, I immediately decided to never sit and criticize or judge another parent. Personally, I have no idea what they are going through at that moment in time. I don't know their story. All I can do, is concern myself with my parenting. This isn't easy, especially when you see some questionable parenting decisions. I can only speak for myself and my decisions. Granted this does not include the parents who choose to smoke in a car with an infant, feed their 2 year old Mountain Dew at 12:30am while making a Wal-Mart run for more beer. These decisions are obviously stupid.
3. Don't Blink
Kenny Chesney said it perfectly in his song, "Don't Blink." But, it seems as though no matter how fast life seems to be going by before kids, it goes 10 times faster after having kids. It honestly feels like I went to bed a 23 year old, happy, newly married man, and woke up this morning to the screaming cries of a 6 month old. Where the hell did my life go? Cherish each and every day, as frustrating as some days may be, it's only a moment in time and will soon pass. I guarantee there will be a day when I look back wishing to be right where I am today.
4. Lead by Example
I definitely took this for granted. But it didn't take long to realize that kids watch your every move and listen to EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. I remember one day we were driving to Bay Beach (local amusement park) when Maya was flinging around her blanket pet, saying, "F#cking bunny, f#cking bunny..." At first, Sarah and I thought she was saying, "Funny bunny." At least that's what we wanted to be hearing. Not quite. It was at that immediate point I realized I needed to clean up my language...fast. This is a good thing through. It provides us the opportunity to shape our children's lives to set them up for success throughout their live. I show my kids how to stay active, never quit, eat healthy, and learn from mistakes. As a dad of three girls, I do my best to show them how a girl should be treated, so they know what to expect from a boy when (heaven forbids) that day comes.
5. Be There for Them at All Times
Kids are just like you and I, they have their good days and bad days. The big difference is they don't have the ability to properly cope with their emotions. They need extra love and support. They may need an extra hug or just that reassurance that you love them and are there for them. Most often, it's just a simple task such as looking at them in the eye and saying "I love you." You also need to show them you care. Sarah and I sign our kids up for a lot of classes and activities. Often, it becomes easy to start to skip going to their classes or events. Or going and sitting on our iPhones. But, it's one thing to simply go, but to be engaged in your child's activity means so much to them. It shows them you care. I have found it gives them confidence - they enjoy their time more when you are there supporting them. It makes a huge difference, trust me.
6. There are Different Levels of Love
I was definitely in love when I got engaged to Sarah. My love continued to grow right up to our marriage. It still grows each and and every day. But, when we had Maya, I experienced a whole new level of love, the love of your child. This love far beyond exceeds the love of your partner. I never thought I would love anyone or anything more than I loved my wife, but then I did. It's difficult to explain the love of your own child. The best way I can describe it, is your significant other is another person who you truly care about and would do anything for; but your child is truly a part of you, you see yourself in them. They are so innocent and vulnerable. I would do anything for my kids and would give anything for them to be happy, successful, and healthy. The love I have for my kids by far exceeds the love I have for my wife. I guarantee she would say the same thing about me and I am not at all offended.
7. Non-Parents Just Don't Understand
Where I work, there are a bunch of younger guys who don't even have girlfriends, let alone children. Most of them simply do not understand the responsibility having a kid is. Most people, know and accept that raising a kid is no easy task, but really don't understand everything that goes on behind the scenes. There is the obvious late, sleepless nights and being constantly needed. But, most people never consider the struggle of finding childcare, especially last minute, the struggles of just getting ready to go run errands, or the struggle of simply getting a kid to eat a meal they just devoured the night before. Simply put, it's not as easy as a non-parent thinks....it just isn't.
8. Patience is a Necessity
This should go without saying, but without patience, you'll end up a stressed, worn-out wreck. Plan on telling your kid about 16 times before they actually decide to start thinking about doing what you ask them to. Then expect them to lose their focus another 23 times before the task is completed. On top of that, be prepared to have your plans completed ruined at least 2 or 3 times. I remember just this past year, we were planning on leaving to go camping after Sarah got home from work around 4pm on a Thursday. I had the camper and car all packed up and was all ready to leave. However, while I was packing Delaney had fallen asleep in our bed, which was actually a good thing...at that time. Then, just as Sarah and I were loading Maya and Harper in the car, Delaney woke up crying...she peed in our bed. So much for leaving on time. The truth is, these type of things happen every single day. You just learn to deal with life's little mishaps. Just be patient.
9. Learn to Compromise
This goes more for you and your significant other. After having Maya, Sarah and I have both mastered the skill of compromising. Our day-to-day life is filled with, "I'll feed Harper, if you get dinner going for the other two," or, "If you mow the lawn today, I'll get the kids ready tomorrow morning so you can get your bike ride in." The fact of the matter is raising kids is a team effort. I couldn't imagine raising one kid on my own let alone three, and seriously bow down to single parent households. Sarah and I have learned to compromise to allow us both to lead a somewhat normal life outside of our parenting-life. I am able to train and race, while she is able to spend time with the girls and her friends while I get stuff down around the house. It's all about sharing the responsibilities.
10. Do Things as a Family
One thing Sarah and I have always promised ourselves, was that we would not become a family that goes on lock-down just because we started a family. Sure we have stopped doing certain things after having kids, but anything that we thought we could do with our kids we did. We brought Delaney to a Minor League Baseball game just three days after her birth. We brought Maya to Boston at a 18 months. We brought both girls to Mexico last year when Maya was 3 and Delaney was 2. In our opinion, it not only brings us closer as a family, but it exposes our kids to so much more than other kids. I believe our kids are better for these experiences. They learn how to behave in various situations. We have never said, "We can't go there, because of our kids," and frankly, never will.
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