What I've Learned Since Becoming a Parent

This upcoming Monday I will have been a Dad for 5 years.  Kinda hard to believe, when I think about it.  I still remember getting the phone call one snowy morning on my way to a Triathlon Training Camp when Sarah told me she was pregnant.  I was struck with a thousand emotions - joy, anxiousness, excitement, and fear just to name a few.  It's not like Sarah's pregnancy came out of no where.  We were definitely trying to get pregnant.  We felt we were as ready as ever.  But at 24 (at the time we found out), I started having second thoughts.  Did we really do everything we wanted to before we started our family?  Were we financially ready to have kids?  Will I be a good Dad?  Was I truly ready?

But here we are, 5 years later, and honestly, I can't even imagine my life without my daughters.  I look back over the past years and sure it may only be five years, but my life has completely changed.  I am no where near where I thought I would be.  So much has changed.  I am now 30, after marrying my High School Sweetheart, we have 3 daughters, a dog, 2 cats, and 2 guinea pigs....all in a 3 bedroom, 1,200 sq ft house.  Sarah has been at job in Green Bay for 8 years, while I have had 2 completely opposite careers, a Fitness Director and now a Police Officer (yea, never saw that one).  None-the-less, the decisions we have made over the years, have grown and shaped myself and my family directly to where we are today.  A common interview question I have faced over the years is, "What is your biggest regret in life?"  I have answered this question the same every time.  I often feel as though the interviewer thinks I am avoiding the question, or taking the easy way around the question, but I respond the same way every single time - "I honestly have no regrets.  Each and every decision I have made throughout my life has shaped my life to be exactly what it is today, and honestly, I would have it no other way.  Instead of sitting and regretting on decisions I choose to learn from them and accept them."  Now, as I sit here, a father of 3, a husband, I am sharing some of the lessons I have learned over the past 5 years of parenthood.  Because simply put, I love my wife - I love my daughters - I love my life.

1. Be Prepared to Make Sacrifices

This shouldn't be a real big surprise, but truthfully, you need to be prepared to make sacrifices.  Your life is no longer that important.  Your child's life is now the priority.  Your job is to be there for them.  It's a balancing act.  Have I given up on the life I had prior to having kids, absolutely not.  But, I most certainly don't have the bike I wish I did, nor do I do all the races I want to.  I have made the necessary sacrifices to make my kids life as enjoyable as I can while retaining some sense of sanity.

2. Never Judge Another Parent

Before I was a parent, I remember being out to dinner or out shopping and then I would be distracted by a crying, screaming child.  I would immediately think to myself, "good lord, why can't he/she control their kid."  Or, "Why don't they <insert your better idea here.>"  After having our first daughter, I immediately decided to never sit and criticize or judge another parent.  Personally, I have no idea what they are going through at that moment in time.  I don't know their story.  All I can do, is concern myself with my parenting.  This isn't easy, especially when you see some questionable parenting decisions.  I can only speak for myself and my decisions.  Granted this does not include the parents who choose to smoke in a car with an infant, feed their 2 year old Mountain Dew at 12:30am while making a Wal-Mart run for more beer.  These decisions are obviously stupid. 

3. Don't Blink

Kenny Chesney said it perfectly in his song, "Don't Blink."  But, it seems as though no matter how fast life seems to be going by before kids, it goes 10 times faster after having kids.  It honestly feels like I went to bed a 23 year old, happy, newly married man, and woke up this morning to the screaming cries of a 6 month old.  Where the hell did my life go?  Cherish each and every day, as frustrating as some days may be, it's only a moment in time and will soon pass.  I guarantee there will be a day when I look back wishing to be right where I am today.

4. Lead by Example

I definitely took this for granted.  But it didn't take long to realize that kids watch your every move and listen to EVERY.  SINGLE.  WORD.  I remember one day we were driving to Bay Beach (local amusement park) when Maya was flinging around her blanket pet, saying, "F#cking bunny, f#cking bunny..."  At first, Sarah and I thought she was saying, "Funny bunny."  At least that's what we wanted to be hearing.  Not quite.  It was at that immediate point I realized I needed to clean up my language...fast.  This is a good thing through.  It provides us the opportunity to shape our children's lives to set them up for success throughout their live.  I show my kids how to stay active, never quit, eat healthy, and learn from mistakes.  As a dad of three girls, I do my best to show them how a girl should be treated, so they know what to expect from a boy when (heaven forbids) that day comes.

5.  Be There for Them at All Times

Kids are just like you and I, they have their good days and bad days.  The big difference is they don't have the ability to properly cope with their emotions.  They need extra love and support.  They may need an extra hug or just that reassurance that you love them and are there for them.  Most often, it's just a simple task such as looking at them in the eye and saying "I love you."  You also need to show them you care.  Sarah and I sign our kids up for a lot of classes and activities.  Often, it becomes easy to start to skip going to their classes or events.  Or going and sitting on our iPhones.  But, it's one thing to simply go, but to be engaged in your child's activity means so much to them.  It shows them you care.  I have found it gives them confidence - they enjoy their time more when you are there supporting them.  It makes a huge difference, trust me.

6. There are Different Levels of Love

I was definitely in love when I got engaged to Sarah.  My love continued to grow right up to our marriage.  It still grows each and and every day.  But, when we had Maya, I experienced a whole new level of love, the love of your child.  This love far beyond exceeds the love of your partner.  I never thought I would love anyone or anything more than I loved my wife, but then I did.  It's difficult to explain the love of your own child.  The best way I can describe it, is your significant other is another person who you truly care about and would do anything for; but your child is truly a part of you, you see yourself in them.  They are so innocent and vulnerable.  I would do anything for my kids and would give anything for them to be happy, successful, and healthy.  The love I have for my kids by far exceeds the love I have for my wife.  I guarantee she would say the same thing about me and I am not at all offended.

7. Non-Parents Just Don't Understand

Where I work, there are a bunch of younger guys who don't even have girlfriends, let alone children.  Most of them simply do not understand the responsibility having a kid is.  Most people, know and accept that raising a kid is no easy task, but really don't understand everything that goes on behind the scenes.  There is the obvious late, sleepless nights and being constantly needed.  But, most people never consider the struggle of finding childcare, especially last minute, the struggles of just getting ready to go run errands, or the struggle of simply getting a kid to eat a meal they just devoured the night before.  Simply put, it's not as easy as a non-parent thinks....it just isn't.

8. Patience is a Necessity

This should go without saying, but without patience, you'll end up a stressed, worn-out wreck.  Plan on telling your kid about 16 times before they actually decide to start thinking about doing what you ask them to.  Then expect them to lose their focus another 23 times before the task is completed.  On top of that, be prepared to have your plans completed ruined at least 2 or 3 times.  I remember just this past year, we were planning on leaving to go camping after Sarah got home from work around 4pm on a Thursday.  I had the camper and car all packed up and was all ready to leave.  However, while I was packing Delaney had fallen asleep in our bed, which was actually a good thing...at that time.  Then, just as Sarah and I were loading Maya and Harper in the car, Delaney woke up crying...she peed in our bed.  So much for leaving on time.  The truth is, these type of things happen every single day.  You just learn to deal with life's little mishaps.  Just be patient.

9. Learn to Compromise

This goes more for you and your significant other.  After having Maya, Sarah and I have both mastered the skill of compromising.  Our day-to-day life is filled with, "I'll feed Harper, if you get dinner going for the other two," or, "If you mow the lawn today, I'll get the kids ready tomorrow morning so you can get your bike ride in."  The fact of the matter is raising kids is a team effort.  I couldn't imagine raising one kid on my own let alone three, and seriously bow down to single parent households.  Sarah and I have learned to compromise to allow us both to lead a somewhat normal life outside of our parenting-life.  I am able to train and race, while she is able to spend time with the girls and her friends while I get stuff down around the house.  It's all about sharing the responsibilities.

10. Do Things as a Family

One thing Sarah and I have always promised ourselves, was that we would not become a family that goes on lock-down just because we started a family.  Sure we have stopped doing certain things after having kids, but anything that we thought we could do with our kids we did.  We brought Delaney to a Minor League Baseball game just three days after her birth.  We brought Maya to Boston at a 18 months.  We brought both girls to Mexico last year when Maya was 3 and Delaney was 2.  In our opinion, it not only brings us closer as a family, but it exposes our kids to so much more than other kids.  I believe our kids are better for these experiences.  They learn how to behave in various situations.  We have never said, "We can't go there, because of our kids," and frankly, never will.  

Daddy Day Care

It was only a matter of time before Sarah would have to go back to work.  But I guess I didn't realize that day that was once so far out in the future was suddenly here.  Sarah knew the day was coming and had complete mixed emotions of returning to work, as I am sure, so many other mothers have.  On one had she couldn't wait to get back to work.  She craved adult interactions, a more regular schedule, our "usual routine," and of course some time away from hearing "Let it Go" from Frozen.  Me on the other hand, had a different view on her going back to work.  To me, it meant, back to reality with busier nights, more chores around the house, and less family time in general.  It also meant that it was time for my paternity leave to commence.  When we had our first daughter, Maya, Sarah took at lease 8 weeks of leave and then I took a couple weeks during the transition of her going back to work, to prolong sending Maya to my Aunt's for child care.  With our second, Delaney, I was just starting a new job and still on probation with the Sheriff's Office.  It also feel right during our busiest time of the year with Country USA and other various festivals.  I only missed 2 and a half days from work for her birth and that was it.  Honestly, looking back, it seems as though I barely remember Delaney's infant stages.  Now, with Harper, I wanted to be sure to lend a helping hand as I did with Maya, so I took a total of 15 days of leave from work to spend time with the kids.  I planed it out that I would take all my time after Sarah returns to work, to keep the kids out of child care.  This past Thursday was my first day alone with Maya (4), Delaney (2), and Harper (7 wks), on top of a dog (female), and 2 cats (both female).  Yup, that's right, if you add it all up that brings the tally to 6 girls and one lonely guy.  I was both anxious and excited all in one.

My day began, just any other day for myself, but making my daily to do list the night before going to bed.  My day looked pretty busy, which was a good thing, it meant that we would be on the go all day and little time for fights, tantrums, arguments, messes, broken/missing toys, punishments, etc.  There was only one thing on my list that I questioned whether or not I would be able to check off by the end of the day.... and I'll let you guess which it was.

 The girls woke up around their usual time of 6:45-7:00 and it was game time!  I was up and at 'em.  I fed both the older girls breakfast right away and had them watching a movie so I could start working on my to do list.  Sarah fed Harper just before leaving for work.  Knowing that Harper goes about 3 hours between feedings (+/- 10 minutes - no joke), she would need to eat around 8ish.  When 8:00 rolled around I was right in the middle of paying bills, so I needed to rely on my big helper: Maya.  She stepped up to the plate and help out with feeding Harper.  Secret is, she absolutely LOVES doing anything with Harper, whether it be carrying, feeding, dressing, bathing, or even just holder her.  So she had no clue just how much she was helping me out by feeding her.  To her, I was doing her a favor by letting her feed Harper.  She even said, "Thanks Daddy!"  Imagine that!  

With Maya having school at the YMCA at 12:30, I planned my workout to coincide with that to make our lives easier and minimize the running around to as little as possible.  Our YMCA has an awesome drop-in child care service for members to utilize while the adults use the facilities.  It is an awesome benefit and especially considering how cheap it is - plus our kids truly LOVE going there and playing and doing crafts and projects.  I was scheduled to get in a 10 mile run that day, so instead of getting my butt out of bed at 4am, I figured I would take advantage of the Kid's Korner and bring the kids to the Y with me and just run on a treadmill.  After some simple time crunching, I figured I would leave around 10:30 to have the kids in child care, and on a treadmill running by 11am in order to have enough to time to shower and get the kids out of child care to get Maya to her class (at the Y) by 12:30.  It worked like a charm...Bingo-Bango.  

After dropping Maya off at school, it was just me and the little 2 for the next few hours, until I had to pick Maya up from school at 2:45.  After getting home, Harper was sound asleep, and Laney was asking to watch a movie....perfect!  I put on Puss in Boots for Delaney, and tossed Harper in her swing and I actually was able to get a few minutes to myself to start prepping stuff for dinner and eat a lunch for myself.

Sarah was planning on being home no later than 4:30, but around 2:00 she called.  It turned out they were busier then they anticipated and needed someone to stay a little later to help out.  She called to see if I was indeed surviving and would be able to handle the evening hours as well, as she didn't think she would be home until after 6:30.  Oh boy, I thought, but sure, I can handle this.  All I needed to do was pick Maya up from school, give the kids a snack, get Maya to her first night of dance class, bring her waiver to participate, all while maintaining Harper's homeostasis.  Sounded easy enough!  So I told Sarah she can stay if she wanted, as we could use the extra cash.  So, 2:45 came rolling around and I was on time for picking Maya up from school and we decided to pick up Mommy a special treat from the grocery store for her first day back to work.  We were going to surprise her with "Make Your Own Sundae Night" after dinner.  So, the four of us trucked on down to the local grocery store and I pushed Harper in a cart, while Maya and Delaney both pushed their own "Customer In Training" Kiddie Carts.  We picked up some extra apples and carrots for the home, and then the girls each got to pick out their own toppings for the sundaes.  I picked strawberries and mini angel food cake cups (since I know Sarah loves them).  Maya picked Cool Whip and Sprinkles.  Delaney picked chocolate syrup.  

After getting home I gave the girls a quick snack before dance class and fed Harper her afternoon bottle.  Before I realized it, it was almost time to get Maya to dance class.  We quickly changed her into her dance outfit and for the 3rd time I loaded up my "Man-Van" and tucked the girls over to Maya's dance class.  The class only ran a half hour and I brought our iPad to entertain Delaney, so the half hour came and went in the blink of an eye.  Maya absolutely loved her dance class, but really, who would though otherwise?  We were done and home around 6:15ish and the dinner was just about done cooking, as I had it set and ready to be done around 6:30.  In the morning I prepped a simple Hawaiian Chicken Dinner in the crock pot.  I set the table and before we knew it Mom and finally home.  The day flew by, but left me with the confidence that I can handle the three of them again, with minimal problems.....so long as we have a full schedule.  

Just to share some pictures, I'll fill y'all in on what we did the next few days.  Friday I had SWAT training during the day and my cousin held their wedding ceremony that afternoon which Sarah and the girls attended while I was at training.  We met up with each other later in the afternoon for the reception, which was at the same hall Sarah and I had our reception at.  All three girls were well behaved and had a blast!  It really made Sarah and I sit back and realize, how lucky we are to have three healthy, well behaved, beautiful girls, all on top of a caring and loving family.

On Saturday, our local YMCA held their annual "Healthy Kids Day," to promote a healthy and active lifestyle for kids in the valley.  I brought Maya and Delaney there and met my parents there as Sarah and Harper went to her cousins wedding shower.  The girls got to participate in obstacle courses, a mini NFL combine, see fire trucks, police cars, ambulances, race cars, a police bomb sniffing K-9, numerous projects, and anything and everything a kid could possible want to do or see.