Post Ironman Depression

In the months leading up to race day, I've done numerous hours of research from websites, training blogs, books, and talking to previous Ironman finishers.  I had direction in what I had to do in the time leading up to race day to be prepared for what it takes to become and Ironman.  I received advice from The Tri Shop Triathlon Teammates about preparing yourself for race day.  I even received advice for the couple days before race day.  What I needed to do, what I should try to do, and what I should try to avoid.  I even had advice on what products I had to buy at the expo before the race.  The one thing I never received advice on was dealing with the emptiness of the days and weeks following the race.

Since completing the Ironman, my life has not been the same.  We left for Mexico on the Tuesday following the race and returned home on Sunday night.  Tuesday night, I was back at work.  On Monday, it hit me, and hit me hard.  I was not happy.  My life was empty.  I had spent the last year with a clear cut goal.  A goal that was in my head for the previous 7-10 years.  Over the past 7-10 years, everything I did in my life was done to with one ultimate goal in mind, finishing an Ironman.  I started biking to do an Ironman.  I taught myself how to swim to eventually complete an Ironman.  I ran marathons, knowing I would have to be a strong running to complete an Ironman.  I race triathlons every year eventually work up to an Ironman.  My life had a purpose.

After September 10th, when I was officially registered for Ironman Wisconsin, I began working on my training schedule.  On December 11th, I began training.  Every single day was planned out.  I scheduled my life around my training plan.  It wasn't the other way around.  I sacrificed so much to train.  My family life was sub par.  My wife and I would argue or fight on what seemed to be a daily basis.  I adjusted my diet.  I basically stopped drinking alcohol.  I watched what I ate.  I stressed recovery and sleep.  Training was my life.  I had never been more motivated to do anything before.  I loved it.  Granted, I did not love my ignorance toward my wife and kids, nor did I enjoy leaving my wife to be a single parent, but I did love the challenge of training for something of this magnitude.

In a single day, I went from having all the motivation in the world, goals, and a planned out life, to nothing, a complete void.  I rode the post race "high" for as long as I could, but it would only take me so far.  I had a clear and defined road map leading up to the race, ever day was planned and measured.  Now, I have nothing....absolutely nothing.  I loved everything the Ironman was.  I loved being down in Madison in the atmosphere, surrounded by so many other athletes with the same goals, the same passions, and the same love of challenges.  We all made the same sacrifices over the past year.  I loved going to the expo.  I loved doing the bike check-in, the mandatory prerace meeting, I loved it all.

But now, here I sit with no goals, no races planned, no reason to eat properly, no drive, and no motivation.  Since returning from Mexico, I have felt...well, down.  I have felt like crying most days.  It was hard unpacking everything from the weekend.  I hated putting away my race outfit, not knowing exactly when I would wear it again.  It was especially hard putting away my race bib and finisher's medal.  It was difficult cutting off my Ironman athlete bracelet, which I wore for a full week following the Ironman.

I don't know when I will be able to do another Ironman, I just know I want to do another one....badly.  I know I can do better, I know I can train harder, be more fit, and race stronger.  I am like a well trained dog, who needs that proverbial carrot in front of them.  A highly trained dog needs the motivation and will do everything in their power to do their best.  That's me.  I just need a goal, something to work for.

I don't know how exactly I will get out of this funk.  I had a talk with on of my friends at work, laying out exactly how I have been feeling and that really seemed to help.  Writing this post also seems to help.  I initially thought I would take the entire month of September off, at a minimum, from any sort of training or exercise.  That only lasted a week.  I ran on Monday morning after coming back home from Mexico.  I plan on just doing what ever I feel like doing on a daily basis whether it be strength train, run, swim, or bike.  I won't follow a plan for a while.  I also want to do some trail running at local state parks and such for a change of pace from running in the streets of the Fox Valley.  Soon, I will eventually schedule a race and have a new goal to keep me motivated and focus.  Until then, hopefully, just random exercising and the added time with the wife and kids will get me out of my funk.